What's wrong?

I don't know what is wrong with me today? Usually I can tell what triggers my depression. This morning I woke up crying and throwing up... only stomach acid, of course, because thats about all I have. I feel awful. Like I am dying inside. I want to talk to Jason so bad this morning. I want to call him and tell him that I am putting on a brave face but I am just terrified about having surgery and all. But I feel even worse about having to wait three weeks for it. I am so sick this morning. Nauseated, stomach cramps, extremely emotional. Maybe I feel worse because I never heard from Jason yesterday. He has acted like he is still concerned and wanted to know whether or not I was going to have to have the surgery. But I never heard a word... maybe that's it? I feel like he doesn't care. He is so wrapped up in his new girlfriend and his new world that he has forgotten I exist.

I just want to hear his voice, see his face, have him tell me that things are going to be ok. His arms around me always make my fears go away and I so desperately need a hug from him right now. But I know its not going to happen because he doesn't care anymore. I wish I could just get that through my head!

I want to just go back home and lay down. I feel terrible. But I know that I am going to have to take off a few days for the surgery so I can't reallya fford to take off more before then. I am just going to have to sweat it out. Everyone help me! I need some support to get through this. I am really having a rough time right now and I need to get it together. Just pray... pray for God to give me some more strength because I feel like I am falling apart again.