Anger

Sick, sick, sick. That's all I ever feel these days. The more sick I feel, the more sad and depressed I become. It's a cyclical pattern that I can't seem to stop. Is surgery really the only answer?

I’m angry today too. Angry at the world. Angry at how my life is turning out. I guess angry that I can’t have what I want. Or maybe angry at myself because I always want what I can’t have? Why can’t I just want some simple things and make life easier on myself. But I don’t. I want the whole world. I want back the things that once made me happy. And I want them to make me happy again. I want to just make it through one whole day without crying or throwing up even just once. Why is that too much to ask? Has God abandoned me? What did I do so wrong? Does He think I deserve this pain?

God, I take it back! Whatever I did or whatever I said to make You want to torture me, I take it all back!