Falling behind

I guess I have fallen behind on my blogging. I have been really sick these past few days. Friday I didn't go to work again. Was more sick than I have been so far. I took some Bonine (anti-nausea) and went to sleep. After a couple of phone calls waking me up to check on me, I turned the sound off on my phone to actually get some sleep. That was at 8am. The next thing I know, my mother is walking into my bedroom and waking me up at 7pm. People had been calling me all day and I wouldn't answer. I guess they thought I'd killed myself or my gall bladder had ruptured or something. But I was fine, I guess I just needed some rest.

Then yesterday was a pretty lazy day. I spent most of the afternoon laying on the couch watching chick flicks on TBS. Sad, I know. But everyone was busy with other things and I didn't feel like bearing the heat. Heat and nausea don't go well together. But in the evening, I went with John over to a friend of his and watch some fights on paperview. I've never really enjoyed boxing so I didn't think I would enjoy this. But this is different. They really beat the crap out of each other and for some reason, I seem to enjoy watching that.

So now we arrive at Sunday. I was feeling pretty terrible when I woke up, but I took a nice long shower and relaxing seemed to help. It's funny how the pain comes and goes during the day. It's just always so intense in the mornings.

John is supposed to come cut my grass this afternoon. He is cutting another friend's first and then I think we may go swimming at my parents house. I'm a little nervous about putting on my bathing suit for the first time this season... but surely with the 35 lbs I have lost since Easter, it should fit okay. Let's hope for John's sake that it does, ha ha!!

I hope that staying busy today will help. I am really fighting with myself to not be depressed today. I'm trying to ignore it, supress it... whatever I have to do to keep from crying. I am so tired of crying. I am tired of feeling lonely. I am tired of the depressing thoughts. I am tired of fighting the urge to pick up the phone. I just want to feel better. I want so badly to be able to move on. Just have to keep moving...