Cleaning up the mess

I hid out at my brothers for the evening last night. I didn't want to sit at home alone and look at the mess he left behind. I stayed out late and took sleeping pills so I could go straight to bed when I got home.

But it was all still here when I got home. His shirts were hanging just inside the front door. I had to fix it. I took them and hung them in the laundry room where at least they wouldn't be in open sight. I took his beer cooler and tucked it in the corner behind some other things so I wouldn't see it everytime I walked into the room. I walked all over the house collecting empty beer cans, beer bottles, beer tops, empty cigarette packs and any other paraphernalia that screamed "Jason has been here." I febreezed my furniture and changed my sheets trying to remove the old familiar smell of beear and cigarettes. I don't want it to smell like Jason has been here either. I washed all the hair out of the sink from where he shaved before work on Friday morning. I picked up all his dirty clothes off the bathroom floor and hid them from myself. He'll be back to get these things eventually... but until then, I don't want to look at them and be reminded. I was glad to have him in my arms for a couple of days, but now it is time to let go again. And cleaning up the mess is the first step.