Today is one of the "blah" days... nothing exciting to do. I'm getting my hair cut and highlighted today. At least that is something to look forward to? I am just overly anxious today. I have that gut feeling that something bad is about to happen to me? Not something horrible, but something that is going to make me unhappy. I think bad news is coming. So, why do I torture myself? Whyt can't I want things that aren't so complicated? Why can't I just be happy alone and not rely on someone else's company to make me feel secure. I can't seem to tell myself, "No, this is not good for you." I can in my head, but I can't make myself follow that. I have got to just let go. I've got to just let things happen on their own and trust that what is supposed to happen, will. No one can make another person feel or behave a certain way. This is out of my control and I just need to step back and remove myself from a situation that is only going to hurt me in the end. I have no one else to blame if I stand here and let myself get trampled on. I just hope it isn't too late.
The problem is... I think too deeply, I hang on too tight, I feel too strongly... about everything. I need to focus. I need to focus my energy on something constructive and I am going to start today. I am no longer going to think about writing... I just have to start. A novel. That's what I want to do. I have all kinds of ideas of what type and style of writing I want to do. I just need to nail it down and jump in head first. It's the only way to start, I think. It starts today.
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