Having a blast... for now

I had a blast this weekend. I felt better than I have felt in a very long time. The band was excellent and so was the company. If I could just keep my two best friends from arguing like cats and dogs, life would be perfect. Its hard when the two people you love the most constantly bang heads with each other and you are left in the middle. But I guess that is part of life and something I will learn to deal with, or maybe they will. I'd hate to feel like I am supposed to spend any more or less time with either of them for the sake of spending time with the other. Sigh... life gets so complicated.

But overall, the trip was great. The hotel was a bit crummy, but it was cheap and served its purpose. And we got back so late that we didn't really care what it looked or smelled like at that point... we all reeked of beer and cigarettes anyway. I had hoped to post some pictures but the only pictures we remembered to take were in the hotel before we went out and we only took a couple. If any of them are any good, I will certainly post them.

So, is happiness a relative term? Is being happy for the wrong reasons still true happiness? I don't know. I know that I am happy and I feel good about some particular things that are happening in my life right now. But at the same time, they terrify me. I know what I want to happen... but somehow I think I know that it won't. I know what I want, but somehow I know that I won't get it. I find myself digging this hole deeper and deeper... and I know I need to get out because soon enough, it will be deep enough for me to bury myself in it. I don't want to be heart-broken again... but I know it is coming. I can feel it. But you can't make someone open their eyes... they have to really see on their own. They have to follow their own path and you just have to hope that your paths will cross in the way that you want them to. I'm hanging on to hope. Hoping that I can trust in the way that I feel. Not wanting to give up. Not wanting to let go. I wish I could tell him... but it wouldn't make a difference. So, instead... I will be happy for now. I'll be happy for now and wait for the depression train to make a u-turn and come run me over again. I'll be ready this time.