The Safe Bet

Why am I always just the "safe bet?" I come with little baggage... no ex-husbands, no children, a good job, a decent house and a stable family. So, why do guys always want someone who is more "exotic" or "intriguing"? Why don't they want the "girl next door" who only wants to make them happy by cooking, cleaning, and taking care of them? I guess a simple and happy relationship is too easy, and therefore, boring. I am a simple person. I am straight-forward and always honest. It is in my nature to help people, even sometimes people I barely know. I open my heart easily and I fall deeply. And when I love, I love forever. This is me. It's who I am. Sometimes, I wish I could change, but I know that I never will. And why should I change? Certainly not for someone else! If a man does not want me for who I am, then why would I want to be with him?

Maybe someday he will change his mind. Maybe someday he will realize that the safe bet is not a bad thing. But who knows? I can't afford to spend my time waiting, wondering and wanting. I must move on and accept the decisions that have been made. But I hope that he will think long and hard... give himself the time and space necessary to sort out the confusion he is in and make the decision that will ultimately make him the happiest. What else would I possibly want for someone that I love? I hate to see him hurting and want more than anything for him to be happy. I just wish I could help. He will know what is right, when the time is right. Until then, I wish him good luck.

I believe...

I believe that everything does happen for a reason. People come in and out of our lives at different times for different reasons. But I think that everyone we meet serves a greater purpose, whether we realize it or not. I have made some really great friends in the last few weeks and really the last few months. When I felt like my life was falling apart, a small few stuck it out with me and helped me through it. I found out what true friends are and what true love is really all about. I think if you really love someone, you want them to be happy, regardless of what that means for yourself and your own happiness. If you are meant to be with someone, they will find their way to you. They will know when the time is right. If they never do, then it wasn't meant to be. Don't chase after someone who doesn't want you. Why would you want someone to be with you just because you want them to? Don't you want someone who genuinely loves you? I do. And I won't settle for someone who doesn't. Love is a crazy thing. But it is always worth the fall... even when it is not returned.

Arg, Matey!

I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest last night. I have been looking forward to it for a long time and it was well worth the wait!! The CGI was great and the comedy was good. Overall, I was really impressed and didn't think it fell into "not as good as the first one" category like many sequels do. I was impressed and absoluelty can't wait until the third one. I know many people criticized Johnny Depp for playing Captain Jack Sparrow as kind of... I don't know how else to put it but, swishy? Flamboyant even? But his mannerisms and facial expressions are what makes the character. Johnny Depp never ceased to amaze me!

So, in short, I highly recommend the movie, especially if you enjoyed the first one. "Why is the rum always gone?" Ha ha ha...

Stress Relief

It's Friday and I have been looking forward to tonight for a couple of weeks. A lot of people are already backing out on me, but that is just fine. As long as me and Jennifer are there to cheer on Dave, then I will be a happy girl. I have had an overly stressful week and I am ready to relax and have a good time. I don't want anyone to bring their drama with them tonight... let's leave it all at the door and just have a great time listening to some great music! I am tired, I still don't feel great and I really need some help getting cheered up! Don't let me down guys!

Eventful Week

Most of you know, last week I got sick and this week, it has progressed into laryngitis. I still cannot speak. But this is just one of the things that has happened this week. Allow me to elaborate!

Monday night, my car decided that it no longer understands the park position. The shifter goes into park, but when I let off the brake, it zooms backwards as if it still in reverse. I attempted to explain the problem to my dad, but he wanted to look at it instead. He sat in the drivers' seat and took off the parking brake (which was the only think keeping it still). He let off the brake and, of course, it zooms backwards. Problem is... he has the door open so he can talk to me, and it almost plows me down into the yard! Funny now, yes... but when I almost fell in the mud, not so funny at the time!

I headed home with two dogs in tow who both insisted on standing in my lap. My parents were having their A/C replaced and wanted the dogs out of the way for the day. One of the dogs had never been away from home except to the vet and the beauty shop. Needless to say, she was not happy to be joining me for the night. When I got home, she refused to walk up the stairs, couldn't get on my bed even with a stool and whined when I put her in the bed myself. I laid in bed reading for hours reading while they whined and tried to climb in my book for attention. Eventually, they exhausted and fell asleep. Shortly after, so did I.

I woke up the next morning to discover that not only did I feel worse, but I could no longer speak. Not one little sound. This makes even simple things difficult. For example, last night, I went to Taco Bell to get a quick dinner. I came very close to pulling into the drive through before I remembered I CAN'T TALK! So, I parked the car and went inside to attempt to order. She laughed at me, but got my order before she realized that the debit card machine wasn't working. So, I got back in the car and went down the street to my bank to get cash... thinking the whole time that she should have give me my $3 worth of tacos for free! I came back and parked again... this time forgetting my car malfunction and almost letting it roll backwards into someone. But then, I succesffuly purchased my tacos.

I went to Jennifer's after that to watch So You Think You Can Dance. I decided to cook us some apple turnovers for dessert. They had only been in the oven for a minute or two, when I smelled something burning. Jennifer peeked in the oven and said they looked fine. But then she did a double-take. And I mean she looked like one of those cartoon characters when their eyes bug out of their heads. One of the turnovers had magically leaped itself off the side of the cookie sheet and was scorching on the bottom of the oven!! I managed to burn my hand while using tongs to scrape it out of the bottom. Minutes later, still sitting on the couch laughing about the esacpee turnover... I forgot to take the rest of them out and burned them all.

So... this has been the kind of week I have had. I tell this long story to tell you one thing. I am ready for it to be Friday!! I don't care if I have a voice or not, I will be at Off the Wagon to support Dave and the rest of StrongFold. I hope everyone will make their best effort to make it out and to join me in celebrating the end of this crazy week!!

Mute

Today, I have no voice. Literally. I cannot speak. Not a sound. Laryngitis. It's funny how much we take our voices for granted. Hopefully this will not last long and I will be back to bitching and moaning in no time! But until then, if anyone needs me, it is much easier to text message me than to try to decipher my whispering over the phone. I hope everyone else is doing well!

Where did the weekend go?

All I can say is "What a weekend!" I was still feeling pretty sick on Friday so I decided to have an restful night at home. Jenn and I rented movies and ate muchies in our jammies. It's been a really long time since we had a girls only night. And I am really glad that we rested up or we never would have made it through Saturday night.

I know that I only just met most of you, but for those of you who do know, know that I DO NOT dance! Not at all! I have been finding myself doing all kinds of things lately that I have always been too chicken to do! It's really great. I have made so many new friends and experienced so many new things and it is boosting my self-esteem and level of courage. I have always said that I like to try new things, but I am not sure how true that has been until now. It's nice to just be able to pick up and go to the movies at 10 on a Sunday if I want (Thanks again, John, for asking me to go). Also, I often suffer from crowd anxiety and I think being part of a group has helped me cope with it. On any other day, I might have had a panic attack with how loud, hot and crowded it was in the Brew Pub on Saturday night. But, I was there with friends and I knew I would be ok.

So, to those who were new faces on Saturday... WELCOME TO THE CREW! I hope I see you all again on Friday night at Off the Wagon to see StrongFold!!

Happy Birthday, Teresa!

These are the kinds of things that happen when you go out with "the crew!"

Coronas + a shot of Jager =

A dumbass in a crazy balloon hat!

Ugh!

Ok, myspace crew... does anyone else feel like crap this morning? Anyone else have a headache?? No more Jager bombs for me on week nights!! I feel like total poo this morning!

But I wanted to make my apologies for my crappy mood last night. I allowed my feelings about just one person affect my attitude towards the whole group. I know the last thing this group needs is more drama. I think we all bring enough of our own personal drama to the table to have to worry about dealing with each others drama within the group. You guys have been wonderful to me and I have needed new friends to deal with all of the things that have been going on in my life lately.

And thanks to advice from several of you last night, I know what I need to do about my current situation. My heart is still broken from my last relationship and I am not prepared for it to happen again in any shape or form. I can't do that to myself. I have more respect for myself than to allow someone to treat me that way... especially a best friend. We'll be ok. We'll both be just fine.

Little Things

Why do I let the little things bother me so badly? I hate being such an emotional person. I just want to go home and lay in bed and cry... and nothing bad has happened. I've just got to get a grip on myself. I've done everything that I can and I just have to accept the facts. I think I already knew... but sometimes you just want to hear it straight from the horses mouth so that you can have some closure and move on. But, I guess some people just don't have the guts to say what needs to be said even when it will hurt someone. The truth hurts. But what kind of friendship or relationship can you ever have with someone if you can't be honest with each other. I am a big girl, I can handle the truth and I am sorry that someone thinks I can't. But I can read between the lines.

Oh well... onto other things! I will be just fine!

Sunday

It's Sunday. I got my first tattoo yesterday afternoon. It didn't hurt nearly as bad as I was afraid it would. The guy was very nice and made me feel very comfortable. John and I went to the Voodoo Needle in Auburn. While we were there, he got an old tattoo redone and it looks incredible!! I was so impressed. It only took 5-10 minutes to do mine but it took around 2 hours to do his.

Last night, we watched the fights on paperview at Jayson and Jennifer's then we went out with the myspace crew again. We had a good time watching drunk people ride the mechanical bull. I hope some videos start popping up on people's myspace pages soon.

So, I am about to go walking at the ASF. I haven't been to the gym or anything since before my surgery and I think I need to work back into it slowly. Walking at the ASF sounds like a good place to start. I have seen signs for a new YMCA over on Zelda Road and I hope that having a new one close to my house will help motivate me back into the gym. Especially if I have someone who will go with me.

So one last thing before I head out! I got a call from my freind Dave in Mobile. He is the drummer for the band that I went down to see a couple of weeks ago. They got booked at Off the Wagon and are playing there this Saturday night, July 15! I am counting on all of my friends to show up and support Dave and the rest of Strongfold. You can visit their webpage at www.strongfold.com and you have my asssurance that hearing them play will be well worth whatever cover charge there is that night. I mean, I drove all the way to Mobile and paid for a hotel room just to hear them play, so that says something, right?

Here is my tattoo on the middle of my back.

Here is John's redone tattoo. Kay did an excellent job!

It's Worth It

Life changes so unexpectedly. It's strange how the tables can get turned around so quickly. In my fairly recent break up, I discovered that some of the people that I thought were true friends, were really those "fair weather" kind that are only really there when things are good. I also discovered that I had some really good friends that were there to make me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. I hope that I will always be one of those true friends. I am sorry that I am getting the opportunity, but I am so glad to return the favor. I consider myself a good listener and try to give good advice when it is asked for. I hate to see anyone in pain, much less a good friend.

The only thing I can say, is the same thing that I have been telling myself for the last fews months. Things that are meant to be, will be... they can't be stopped. If you are meant to be with someone, you will be and you can't do anything to control it. And most of all, love is worth it. It is worth putting yourself out there and completely opening yourself up to another. Mutual love is the best feeling in the world. The moments of happiness are well worth the moments of pain that happen if the relationship fails. The only thing worse is living your life behind a wall and refusing to let someone in for fear that they may be able to hurt you. It's ok to be vulnerable. It's okay to let someone hurt you, as long as you don't let yourself be a doormat. Just learn from each experience and take it with you to the next one. Love is worth the pain. Fall in love as often as you can and don't be afraid. It's the only way to live.

Decision Time

So, I think I have decided about the tattoo. It's something I have wanted for a long time and i think I will finally do it. But, I changed my mind about where to put it and think I will feel better if I put it somewhere that it will be more private. It's not that I am embarressed to have one or reallyt care what others think. It will be something that has a meaning to me and I will only share it with those that I want to share it with. It is the Chinese symbol for love. I think John and I are going to go to Auburn on Saturday do it. I'll get him to take picture if I do.

Isn't it beautiful?

Back to Work

Next week is the Alabama State Bar's Annual Meeting in Destin, FL. Things are a zoo around here with everyone trying to get last minute details squared away before they have to leave. I've been busy working on brochures, making sure all the updated information is on the website, while juggling other personal things. Today is also my first day back at work since my boss retired. It is strange around here without her and I will be without a boss until her replacement starts in mid-August. But it has been nice to be able to go visit and gossip with co-workers and not have to worry about watchful eyes.

I had such a wonderful time at the beach this weekend that it makes it that much harder to get back into the swing of things today. I've been on myspace, AIM and text messaging all day to make the time go by faster. I am also waiting on Jennifer to email me some pictures to post. That jackass is off work this whole week and only has dial-up internet at home. So, it may be a while before I can get anything posted. But I am working on it!

Tattoos?

I got home from the beach around 7:30 this evening. I had planned to stay at the beach until the fireworks tonight, but decided that I had gotten too sunburned and I might be too tired to drive home that late at night. And I am tired. The long weekend went by way too quickly. We all had a great time though. Once again, we didn't take too many pictures but I will certainly get some posted as soon as possible. I took several pictures with my camera phone and need to figure out how to get them onto the computer.

So I would like some opinions on something. I picked out a tattoo this weekend and chickened out at the last minute. I decided I would think about it until this weekend and if I still want it, a friend and I are going to go to Auburn so I can get it done. It will be the size of a quarter or smaller and will be on the inside of my ankle. Let's hear some comments... trashy or not? I really want to get it but don't want to make a decision that I will regret later. I figure it will be small enough that if I need to cover it up for formal occasions and job interviews and such, I should be able to do it with make-up. So I want to see some comments on this one, tell me what you think people!

Fender Bender

I am so excited about heading to the beach, but it stands to be a long miserable drive. Yesterday after work, Jennifer and I went shopping for some new shorts to wear at the beach. We were sitting in my car patiently waiting for the light to change so that we could turn to get on the interstate. Suddenly, a huge tow truck slammed into us from behind. The impact was strong enough that it jarred us both considerably and threw the cokes that we were both drinking all over the inside of the car. I just knew when I got out that the whole rear-end of my car was going to be smashed in. Amazingly, there didn't appear to be any damage. This is the second time someone has rear-ended me in this car and caused no damage. That camaro is like a TANK! After examining it for a minute or two and making sure my trunk opens and closes ok, the man who hit us FINALLY decided to hang up his phone... I just told him to go on. It was nearly 100 degrees and we had nowhere to pull over to get out of traffic in the construction on Ann Street. Of course, on the way to shopping I started feeling some pain in my shoulder. Then it traveled down my back and pretty much all over. I'm really stiff and sore this morning after sleeping on it. It would be our luck to have whiplash on a day when we have a 4 hour car ride ahead of us.

But we are going to set that aside and look forward to the long weekend that we are about to enjoy. I can't wait to dig my toes into the sand and drink fruity drinks on the beach! Salty waters, here I come!