What to do in a Terrorist Attack

I couldn't resist posting this one. It had me in tears I was laughing so hard!

What to do in a Terrorist Attack The US government has a new website, www.ready.gov, displaying public service symbols for terrorism readiness in the tradition of the old "duck and cover" campaigns. The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! If you have set yourself on fire, do not run. If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell really loud. If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder. If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor. Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you! The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water, and at least one armless hand. Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the f*** away. Hurricanes, animal corpses, and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it. Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically. If a door is closed, karate chop it open. If your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your ass goodbye. Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile. After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head. If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit. If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, it is a psychological terror attack. Cower in the corner or run like hell. If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop. Austin is radioactive. Move to Houston. If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting. how to ROFLMAO Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood. A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always carry one!