The US government has a new website, www.ready.gov, displaying public service symbols for terrorism readiness in the tradition of the old "duck and cover" campaigns. The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything!  If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.  If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell really loud.  If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.  If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.  Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!  The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water, and at least one armless hand.  Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the f*** away.  Hurricanes, animal corpses, and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.  Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.  If a door is closed, karate chop it open.  If your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your ass goodbye.  Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.  After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.  If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.  If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, it is a psychological terror attack. Cower in the corner or run like hell.  If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.  Austin is radioactive. Move to Houston.  If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.  how to ROFLMAO  Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.  A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always carry one! |
Thursday, May 31, 2007
What to do in a Terrorist Attack
I couldn't resist posting this one. It had me in tears I was laughing so hard!
Suggestions anyone?
My cable/internet bill with Charter jumped from $65 to $93 because apparently some "promotional rate" I was getting has run out. I called and argued and threatened to switch to Knology if they didn't give me a better rate and I only managed to get them to knock off a few bucks a month... and it will run out in a few months and I will have to call and argue all over again!!
Anybody have any suggestions?? Cheaper service provider? Better arguing technique?
Anybody have any suggestions?? Cheaper service provider? Better arguing technique?
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
One More Adventure
Another thing I forgot to mention... (I know, that last blog was long enough, how could I have forgotten anything?) But I wanted to wait until I had the appropriate pictures to go with it. My friend Brian took me to a little boardwalk that is right off the Spanish Fort/Fairhope exit. Just like all boardwalks, there were a few warnings and rules posted. But somehow this one struck me as funny... I think the bottom sign would have sufficed. If you read it, the second one would seem to be unneccesary.
And they weren't kidding either. There were alligators right there. And they weren't tiny ones either. It wouldn't be easy for them to get up to the boardwalk where I was, but on the other side of the lagoon from me, there was nothing stopping them from climbing up into the parking lot of the hotel on the corner. I would NOT be a happy camper if I went to get in my car and was surprized by a large alligator. Remind me never to stay at that hotel!
And they weren't kidding either. There were alligators right there. And they weren't tiny ones either. It wouldn't be easy for them to get up to the boardwalk where I was, but on the other side of the lagoon from me, there was nothing stopping them from climbing up into the parking lot of the hotel on the corner. I would NOT be a happy camper if I went to get in my car and was surprized by a large alligator. Remind me never to stay at that hotel!
Weekend Run-Down
Friday:
I left for Mobile (well, actually Spanish Fort) on Friday afternoon. We were staying with Brian’s dad and stepmom there and planning to drive down to the beach on Saturday. They took me to a little mom and pop’s pizza place near their house in Spanish Fort and the three of them shared a couple of pitchers of beer. When we got back to their house, his parents crashed pretty early. So Brian and I decide we are going to take a spin on their golf cart, even though it is dark outside and the headlights don’t work. So we are zipping right along and get a couple blocks away… headed straight up hill and the golf cart dies. Completely. So we Fred Flinstone it down the hill and then resort to getting out and pushing the thing all the way back home. I was laughing hysterically while pushing and Brian was a bit intoxicated and barefoot. So this made for quite and adventure.
Saturday:
Fairly uneventful. I spent a typical day on the beach with friends and some family. The waves were incredibly high and the undertow was really strong so I didn’t get in the water too much. Not to mention my legs were still a little tired from pushing the golf cart the night before. But I did manage to make a small sand castle that I was pretty proud of!
Sunday:
I swam at Brian’s parent’s house and visited with his family. We headed home that afternoon with a couch in tow for Brian’s younger brother. It began to sprinkle on us not a mile from the house! But it didn’t last long and we didn’t see any more rain on the way up. Brian dropped me off at home and only minutes later I realized that I had left my digital camera and the keys to my brother’s house in Brian’s truck and he was headed to Millbrook. I needed the keys in order to go check on my brother’s cat. Although I had just ridden more than 2 hours back from the beach, I then had to get in my car to go get the keys… plus I wanted to take my camera on the lake on Monday. So I drove out there and had dinner with my parents… just to get a message from my sister-in-law saying that I didn’t need to go check on the cat. Oh well…
So I stopped by Wal-Mart on the way home to pick up some supplies to take to the lake with me. I got in a line with about 10 people in front of me. It was about 11:00 and there were only 2 lanes open in the whole store. I grumbled something about having 25 lanes, 2 open and employees standing around doing nothing which prompted the man in front of me to turn around and strike up a conversation. A thirty-minute long conversation mostly about his pest control business and “getting kicked by ‘the man’ while you are down.” Interesting. I was quite ready for bed by the time I got home.
Monday:
I woke up early and drove to Kelly’s house in Opelika. I was running a bit late but so was everyone else so it didn’t seem to matter. We packed up the boat and headed out on the lake. It was a little overcast at the beginning of the day but the sun eventually came out in full force and managed to burn me pretty well. By the time we got back to the house, I was scorched. We all showered off the lake water and decided to go out to dinner. When we walked out the front door of the house, I noticed that my car was absolutely covered from bumper to bumper in ants. All of our cars were parked side by side but only MY car was covered. I shrugged it off and said “Oh well, I’ll just hose off the car after dinner before I get on the road” and we went about our way.
We went to Logan’s Roadhouse Grill. We sat and talked and shared stories as people who haven’t known each other for too long always seem to do. I found myself talking about my disastrous trip to Nashville. For future reference, I should remind myself that even speaking about this trip stirs up enough bad karma that it always directly precedes a long catastrophic chain of events. We talked… and talked… and talked… and were thoroughly enjoying the conversation when we realized that we had been there over an hour and still had not received our food?? Drue went and spoke to the manager who told him that he would “check on it.” Shortly after, our waiter came by and said that he was getting it together and it should be out soon… that it was the tilapia that we ordered that held everything up.” He walked about without apologizing for our wait and not bothering to offer to refill our glasses than had been empty for nearly the whole hour. So we offered to pay for our drinks and salads. Kelly and I are both the typical kind of people who don’t like to complain and are even embarrassed when someone else sends their food back. But at that point, we gladly picked up our purses and left.
Dairy Queen became the next destination. Scott, who had not had a salad, was still hungry and me and Kelly wanted ice cream! Scott ordered a chicken sandwich and fries and they came out almost immediately. We sat and he took a big bite, made a terrible face and nearly spit the chicken out on the table. Apparently the chicken smelled and tasted like fish. I assume they fried it in the same grease… but I think if it were me, that is just not a risk I would be willing to take. At least the fries and ice cream were okay.
So, we finally head back to Kelly’s house and by now it is about 10:00 and getting really late for those of us who have to be at work early in the morning. I gather my things and start to leave and I realize that the aunts are no longer all over my car. I open the door to find that rather they are all now INSIDE the car. Lovely. So I get all of the trash out that I think they might be after… and spray some orange scented 409 since we didn’t have any big spray. It seemed to do the trick pretty well.
Finally, I get in my car and head about my way. I call my mom to let her know that I am headed back home and we had a good day on the lake. Still on the phone, about 15 miles down the road my car starts to jerk a little. I look down and realize that the gas guage which read ¼ of a tank when I pulled out of Kelly’s driveway now is below empty. No exit in sight I coast over to the side of the road. So, Kelly’s husband Drue is my new hero!! He came to my rescue with a gas can. He even followed me to the gas station and waited until I had filled up to make sure there were no more catastrophes before he headed back home.
Sigh… I got home after midnight. So today, I am extremely sunburned and very tired. The end.
I left for Mobile (well, actually Spanish Fort) on Friday afternoon. We were staying with Brian’s dad and stepmom there and planning to drive down to the beach on Saturday. They took me to a little mom and pop’s pizza place near their house in Spanish Fort and the three of them shared a couple of pitchers of beer. When we got back to their house, his parents crashed pretty early. So Brian and I decide we are going to take a spin on their golf cart, even though it is dark outside and the headlights don’t work. So we are zipping right along and get a couple blocks away… headed straight up hill and the golf cart dies. Completely. So we Fred Flinstone it down the hill and then resort to getting out and pushing the thing all the way back home. I was laughing hysterically while pushing and Brian was a bit intoxicated and barefoot. So this made for quite and adventure.
Saturday:
Fairly uneventful. I spent a typical day on the beach with friends and some family. The waves were incredibly high and the undertow was really strong so I didn’t get in the water too much. Not to mention my legs were still a little tired from pushing the golf cart the night before. But I did manage to make a small sand castle that I was pretty proud of!
Sunday:
I swam at Brian’s parent’s house and visited with his family. We headed home that afternoon with a couch in tow for Brian’s younger brother. It began to sprinkle on us not a mile from the house! But it didn’t last long and we didn’t see any more rain on the way up. Brian dropped me off at home and only minutes later I realized that I had left my digital camera and the keys to my brother’s house in Brian’s truck and he was headed to Millbrook. I needed the keys in order to go check on my brother’s cat. Although I had just ridden more than 2 hours back from the beach, I then had to get in my car to go get the keys… plus I wanted to take my camera on the lake on Monday. So I drove out there and had dinner with my parents… just to get a message from my sister-in-law saying that I didn’t need to go check on the cat. Oh well…
So I stopped by Wal-Mart on the way home to pick up some supplies to take to the lake with me. I got in a line with about 10 people in front of me. It was about 11:00 and there were only 2 lanes open in the whole store. I grumbled something about having 25 lanes, 2 open and employees standing around doing nothing which prompted the man in front of me to turn around and strike up a conversation. A thirty-minute long conversation mostly about his pest control business and “getting kicked by ‘the man’ while you are down.” Interesting. I was quite ready for bed by the time I got home.
Monday:
I woke up early and drove to Kelly’s house in Opelika. I was running a bit late but so was everyone else so it didn’t seem to matter. We packed up the boat and headed out on the lake. It was a little overcast at the beginning of the day but the sun eventually came out in full force and managed to burn me pretty well. By the time we got back to the house, I was scorched. We all showered off the lake water and decided to go out to dinner. When we walked out the front door of the house, I noticed that my car was absolutely covered from bumper to bumper in ants. All of our cars were parked side by side but only MY car was covered. I shrugged it off and said “Oh well, I’ll just hose off the car after dinner before I get on the road” and we went about our way.
We went to Logan’s Roadhouse Grill. We sat and talked and shared stories as people who haven’t known each other for too long always seem to do. I found myself talking about my disastrous trip to Nashville. For future reference, I should remind myself that even speaking about this trip stirs up enough bad karma that it always directly precedes a long catastrophic chain of events. We talked… and talked… and talked… and were thoroughly enjoying the conversation when we realized that we had been there over an hour and still had not received our food?? Drue went and spoke to the manager who told him that he would “check on it.” Shortly after, our waiter came by and said that he was getting it together and it should be out soon… that it was the tilapia that we ordered that held everything up.” He walked about without apologizing for our wait and not bothering to offer to refill our glasses than had been empty for nearly the whole hour. So we offered to pay for our drinks and salads. Kelly and I are both the typical kind of people who don’t like to complain and are even embarrassed when someone else sends their food back. But at that point, we gladly picked up our purses and left.
Dairy Queen became the next destination. Scott, who had not had a salad, was still hungry and me and Kelly wanted ice cream! Scott ordered a chicken sandwich and fries and they came out almost immediately. We sat and he took a big bite, made a terrible face and nearly spit the chicken out on the table. Apparently the chicken smelled and tasted like fish. I assume they fried it in the same grease… but I think if it were me, that is just not a risk I would be willing to take. At least the fries and ice cream were okay.
So, we finally head back to Kelly’s house and by now it is about 10:00 and getting really late for those of us who have to be at work early in the morning. I gather my things and start to leave and I realize that the aunts are no longer all over my car. I open the door to find that rather they are all now INSIDE the car. Lovely. So I get all of the trash out that I think they might be after… and spray some orange scented 409 since we didn’t have any big spray. It seemed to do the trick pretty well.
Finally, I get in my car and head about my way. I call my mom to let her know that I am headed back home and we had a good day on the lake. Still on the phone, about 15 miles down the road my car starts to jerk a little. I look down and realize that the gas guage which read ¼ of a tank when I pulled out of Kelly’s driveway now is below empty. No exit in sight I coast over to the side of the road. So, Kelly’s husband Drue is my new hero!! He came to my rescue with a gas can. He even followed me to the gas station and waited until I had filled up to make sure there were no more catastrophes before he headed back home.
Sigh… I got home after midnight. So today, I am extremely sunburned and very tired. The end.
Friday, May 25, 2007
80s Cartoon Kick
This weekend I got into a conversation about the cheesy 80s cartoons we used to watch when we were kids. So I have been travelling down memory lane via YouTube this morning! I know I am a little younger than some of you who read my blog... but I thought it would be fun to name some of the obscure cartoons we remember from our childhood. I'll start!!
Fraggle Rock
Jem and the Holograms
Today's Special
Picture Pages
Fraggle Rock
Jem and the Holograms
Today's Special
Picture Pages
Monday, May 21, 2007
Congrats!
This weekend was sooo busy! My best friend got married on Saturday. She didn't throw the bouquet though... cause she could have just handed it to me since I was the only single girl there! Ha! Only wish I was kiddding...
But it was a beautiful wedding and she looked incredible. I've never seen her so happy and I've known her a long time. I hope to get some good pictures of me in my dress and all dolled up. Those of you who know me, know that I don't do that very often!
So congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Justin Herring! I love you guys!
But it was a beautiful wedding and she looked incredible. I've never seen her so happy and I've known her a long time. I hope to get some good pictures of me in my dress and all dolled up. Those of you who know me, know that I don't do that very often!
So congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Justin Herring! I love you guys!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
PleasePray
Passing this along for my sister-in-law and her family:
Everyone please pray for my brother and the 10th Moutain Division based out of Fort Drum, NY. As most as you have probably heard, four soldiers and their Iraqi interpreter were killed this past weekend. The three soldiers that have been captured by Al Qaeda are still missing. 4,000 troops are on the ground searching for the missing. We have not heard from my brother in several days, but we assume he is out searching day and night. At this point, my family just wants to hear from him to know he's okay. When something like this happens, they cut off all phone/internet communication until family is notified. Just please say a prayer for the families of the soldiers killed, the ones missing, and everyone involved in the search.
Everyone please pray for my brother and the 10th Moutain Division based out of Fort Drum, NY. As most as you have probably heard, four soldiers and their Iraqi interpreter were killed this past weekend. The three soldiers that have been captured by Al Qaeda are still missing. 4,000 troops are on the ground searching for the missing. We have not heard from my brother in several days, but we assume he is out searching day and night. At this point, my family just wants to hear from him to know he's okay. When something like this happens, they cut off all phone/internet communication until family is notified. Just please say a prayer for the families of the soldiers killed, the ones missing, and everyone involved in the search.
Biscuits Game
This past Thursday night was Alabama State Bar night at the Montgomery Biscuits game. I went and took my dad, brother and his wife with me. We all had a lot of fun and the Biscuits even won on a home run in the ninth inning.
This is the group picture that was taken at the stadium:
Where am I, you are asking? The only time I left my seat during the whole game was to go to the guest services and pick up a baseball that I won in the group raffle. This was when they decided to take the group picture. Just my luck!
This is the group picture that was taken at the stadium:
Where am I, you are asking? The only time I left my seat during the whole game was to go to the guest services and pick up a baseball that I won in the group raffle. This was when they decided to take the group picture. Just my luck!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Busy Bee
I didn't blog at all last week. I have been really busy at work and with projects at home. Not to mention I had a migraine on Tuesday that prevented me from doing anything besides making a trip to my doctor to get a shot to stop the pain. But overall, not such an eventful week.
These next few weeks are going to be extremely busy as well. My best friend, Jennifer is getting married this Saturday. I took off Friday to help decorate and gets things ready and Saturday I am in the wedding. And after my neice told me last night that I look pregnant, I will not be eating ANY donuts this week in order to not look like a whale in my bridesmaids dress. Then memorial weekend I will be headed to the beach with a friend. And no one wants to see a cow in a bathing suit, LOL.
Another reason I haven't been blogging so much, some craphead hinted that I blog too often and about stupid things. So I have been discouraged from blogging unless I feel like I have a funny story to tell or something important to share. But anyone who is not interested in reading my blogs: DON'T. And if you are subscribed and don't like it, by all means, UNSUBSCRIBE. That is all for now. Hope everyone else is having a great Monday!
These next few weeks are going to be extremely busy as well. My best friend, Jennifer is getting married this Saturday. I took off Friday to help decorate and gets things ready and Saturday I am in the wedding. And after my neice told me last night that I look pregnant, I will not be eating ANY donuts this week in order to not look like a whale in my bridesmaids dress. Then memorial weekend I will be headed to the beach with a friend. And no one wants to see a cow in a bathing suit, LOL.
Another reason I haven't been blogging so much, some craphead hinted that I blog too often and about stupid things. So I have been discouraged from blogging unless I feel like I have a funny story to tell or something important to share. But anyone who is not interested in reading my blogs: DON'T. And if you are subscribed and don't like it, by all means, UNSUBSCRIBE. That is all for now. Hope everyone else is having a great Monday!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Days Off
I took off Thursday - Sunday because I had planned a trip to the beach. The trip got rescheduled but I had already asked for the days off, so I figured I'd just relax and get some things done around the house. I spent the first half of Thursday relaxing and running a couple of errands. But thats all I could stand. If I was going to take days off, I would have to do something productive or I wouldn't feel satisfied. At about 2:00 yesterday, I decided to rent a drum sander and refinish my hardwood floors. Got a lot done yesterday since I only have the sander for 24 hours. I wasn't happy with the first stain color I chose after letting the test spot dry over night. So, I just got home from home depot and am about to test the second color. But I had to stop and eat a donut and blog first. Who can work hard without a good breakfast, right?
So back to work...
So back to work...
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