Clear the Confusion

The world of adult relationships is such a confusing place. It was so much easier when we were children and could pass notes saying “Do you like me? Check yes or no,” or “Do you want to be my girlfriend/ boyfriend? Check yes or no.” Life was simple then.

So, what constitutes as a date these days? Just because a male and a female go to dinner or to a movie together, doesn’t necessarily make them any more than friends. Is the determining factor whether or not you go Dutch? I think not. Friends often take turns paying for one another’s meals or movie tickets. I often do that with my girlfriends, so why is it different just because the friend is a male? At what point do we cross the threshold from friendship into a relationship?

The problem occurs when one person or the other has feelings of more than friendship for the other, but can’t determine whether they are “dating” or just spending time together as friends. Then you have the awkwardness of wanting to ask but being afraid you will ruin the friendship if the other person doesn’t feel the same way. Then you just dance around in limbo wondering and hoping that if they feel something, they will speak up. But what if they are playing the same game and waiting for you to bring it up? What if you get caught in the endless cyclical pattern of both waiting on one another to have the guts to just make a move?

An even more confusing situation can occur when the two have dated in the past and decided to become friends. Then, it is even more difficult to determine that fine line that we dance between friends or more. You have already crossed the line once, so it is easy to engage in behavior that might be considered flirtatious or more on the dating side of the line. But is it really intended to be? Or is it just a matter of being more comfortable with one another?

Someone needs to set some rules to clear up this confusion. I think we need to create red flags that will let us know whether we are on a date or not, without having to directly discuss the situation. Anyone care to begin?