Change of Plans

Ok, so someone threw a curveball into my plans... but they haven't stopped me. I am going to continue forward with this house and hope that I will be able to pay for everything on my own. It will be really tough but I guess that's what life is all about. I do love the house and working on it gives me something to concentrate on. A goal. A reason to move forward. A reason not to look back.

I am in a lot of pain. I am lonely. The house feels large and empty now. But, I can only hope that over time I will be able to fill it with new things and new memories. Only time will tell what will become of Jason and I. But, I know that I must keep moving forward and maybe... just maybe one day he will realize what a mistake he has made and just maybe it won't be too late. I do love him with every part of me... but I can't make him return the feelings. I just hope that no matter what happens to us, he finds true happiness.

End of the World...

How can one's whole world end so quickly? Crushed by only a few words from another's mouth.

Love is not blind. Love is not everlasting. Only pain and death... heartbreak. Utter and total heartbreak.

Alone. Not physically alone... but emotionally shut out and removed from the one you love. Or from myself. Or maybe just from humanity.

Just lost. Don't think I will every fiind myself again...

The Little Things

I was just thinking the other day... about how we are usually aware of the big reasons that we care for our significant others. But sometimes, one of the little things that they do really stands out and makes you remember why it is that you love them, or makes you realize just how much they love you.

It has become a routine of mine, that when I walk in the door from work the first thing I do is kick of my heels and usually say something about my feet hurting. They are usually quickly replaced with my good 'ol comfy flip-flops. This is not something I really think about, just a usual ritual.

Monday when I got home from work, Jason was waiting outside the house for me to pick him up. We were headed to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner. He got in the car and handed me my flip-flops. I had not asked for them. He just was thoughtful enough to know that I would like to wear my comfy flip-flops to the grocery store rather than wear those heels for one more hour on my sore feet.

It is those kinds of things that we should stop and notice. Those kinds of simple little things say "I love you" and "I care." I'm so lucky to have Jason in my life.