Change of Plans

Ok, so someone threw a curveball into my plans... but they haven't stopped me. I am going to continue forward with this house and hope that I will be able to pay for everything on my own. It will be really tough but I guess that's what life is all about. I do love the house and working on it gives me something to concentrate on. A goal. A reason to move forward. A reason not to look back.

I am in a lot of pain. I am lonely. The house feels large and empty now. But, I can only hope that over time I will be able to fill it with new things and new memories. Only time will tell what will become of Jason and I. But, I know that I must keep moving forward and maybe... just maybe one day he will realize what a mistake he has made and just maybe it won't be too late. I do love him with every part of me... but I can't make him return the feelings. I just hope that no matter what happens to us, he finds true happiness.

End of the World...

How can one's whole world end so quickly? Crushed by only a few words from another's mouth.

Love is not blind. Love is not everlasting. Only pain and death... heartbreak. Utter and total heartbreak.

Alone. Not physically alone... but emotionally shut out and removed from the one you love. Or from myself. Or maybe just from humanity.

Just lost. Don't think I will every fiind myself again...

The Little Things

I was just thinking the other day... about how we are usually aware of the big reasons that we care for our significant others. But sometimes, one of the little things that they do really stands out and makes you remember why it is that you love them, or makes you realize just how much they love you.

It has become a routine of mine, that when I walk in the door from work the first thing I do is kick of my heels and usually say something about my feet hurting. They are usually quickly replaced with my good 'ol comfy flip-flops. This is not something I really think about, just a usual ritual.

Monday when I got home from work, Jason was waiting outside the house for me to pick him up. We were headed to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner. He got in the car and handed me my flip-flops. I had not asked for them. He just was thoughtful enough to know that I would like to wear my comfy flip-flops to the grocery store rather than wear those heels for one more hour on my sore feet.

It is those kinds of things that we should stop and notice. Those kinds of simple little things say "I love you" and "I care." I'm so lucky to have Jason in my life.

Flashback

I took a trip down memory lane yesterday... looking through old pictures. I found a picture taken of me at a high school pageant (yeah, i know... what was I thinking). But, it has to be one of the best pictures ever taken of me. So, I thought I would share a "remember when" picture of myself. This picture also serves as a motivation piece, to help me get back into a diet and exercise program. I have really been slacking off since I started the new job. But I do think that I will get plenty of exercise doing home rennovation projects once we get into the house. I come up with new ideas every day!

Furniture Shopping

Since the closing date is sneaking up on us, Jason and I have been doing a lot of furniture shopping lately. We picked out a living room set, but it was a little more expensive than we really wanted to pay. So, like smart shoppers, we looked around and found the exact same set for more than $400 cheaper than the first place! So, it looks like we will be investing in some new comfy furniture for guests to enjoy when they come over. I have a feeling I will spend a lot of time in the oversized chair and the massive ottoman that goes with it. You almost have to climb into it and you don't want to get up.

I just can't wait to get it all together so I can start picking out paint colors, etc. Being a designer, that is one of the most exciting parts for me. So, let me know what you think!

The World of Bonsai

For Valentine's Day this year, Jason gave me a Juniper Bonsai tree. I had gotten a small pine tree for Christmas and was enjoying taking care of it so much ( I even named him Oscar) that he thought we might enjoy growing a bonsai together.

We have enjoyed it, so much, in fact, that this past weekend we expanded our family of bonsai's to four trees. We aren't sure exactly what kind they are yet. We plan to visit a bonsai expert this weekend who should be able to help us identify the exact species, which will help us understand how to better care for them. We will have to get name tags so I can remember who is who, besides Osar and the original bonsai, Hubert.

I am really looking forward to having more room in our new house where the trees will be able to get more light. There is a breakfast room on the back of the house which is full of windows and lots of light. I think the trees will be much happier there!

These are the best times...

I should be closing on my new house on April 14th, 2006. The closer it gets, the more excited I get. There is just so much potential and fixing an old house is a lifelong dream of mine. Older homes just have so much more character and charm. This house, in Capital Heights, was built in 1930. It is a 2 story, cottage-style with three beds and 1.5 baths.

Jason and I like to entertain, so I can imagine that with our new large living room and a separate dining room, we will be having lots of people over as soon as we get settled in. For those of you who really know us, we love to play board games. It will be great to have a dining room table for people to sit at rather than sit all over the floor.

The yard has so much potential as well. It is a little overgrown right now, since it has been vacant for nearly a year. There is a huge magnolia tree in the back that canopies almost the entire back yard. There is a great brick patio which will also be a great entertaining spot. I am sure we will be doing a lot of grilling this summer and I can't wait for one of Jason's specialies: chicken & white sauce! Yum yum!

I just can't wait to get started! I think this will be a wonderful experience for Jason and I. What could bring two people closer together than building a home together?